Dreams and Reality

“I want to become an actress, move to New York, star in a musical, make it onto the big screen, and become famous.” “I want to be a scientist and find cures for diseases”

These are dreams that some people have. A lot of people, if not all, have dreams. Me? No, not really. 

Sure, when I was little I wanted to grow up and be a teacher or a doctor, but I also wanted to be a mother even more. 

Now though, I am so very realistic. Too realistic to where I don’t even bother to dream big. My “dream” is to one day own a house and for us to open up a family restaurant. Not too farfetched, right? Pretty possible and attainable, right? 

When people are asked, “What is your dream car?” They may say, “A Cadillac Escalade, with chrome rims, decked out sound system, etc.” When I am asked the same question, I say, “one that will fit my family, runs well, and is good on gas.” See, realistic right? 

Most likely the reason for being so realistic is living a life where I’ve always been struggling. Pretty much my whole life we’ve been lower class, borderline poverty, and at one point even houseless. Well, there was one point when we were middle class when my mom was married to my ex-stepdad. Anyway, I know that certain things are just unattainable and nearly impossible, especially with the economy the way it is. So, instead of setting myself up for disappointment, I stick to reality and things I know can be accomplished. 

Titan is unique.

Of course all of my kids are unique, but compared to his brothers he has quite a few differences.

1. He’s the only one we tried/planned for.
2. He’s the only one conceived in wedlock. (he was conceived right after we got married (a couple days after). Although we didn’t really have a honeymoon, he was our “honeymoon baby.” 
3. He’s the only one not born in Hawaii and born in Utah (so far). 
4. He’s the only one who was breastfed past 2 weeks postpartum. 
5. He’s the only one who has not met my family (yet). 

This is random and I was just thinking about this when I was laying in bed this morning. 

Thankful for: November 9th-12th

November 9th- Today I am thankful for our Bishop and all that he has done for us. He is a great man and has done more for us than many of our family members ever has. He is sincerely caring and a very humble man. If there is one person I'll miss when we leave Utah, it will be him. 


November 10th- I am thankful for Titan. He is a sweet, happy, goofy, and loving baby boy. We're still nursing and it is a huge accomplishment for me to have come this far. He loves his big brothers and tries so hard to rough & tumble with them. He is easy going and mellow. I couldn't have asked for a better baby. He is my sweetheart! 

November 11th- I am thankful for our veterans.. all of the people who have served and currently do serve in the military. My brother is one of them. He was in the Marine Corp and I think he is currently in the Army Reserves (not 100% sure lol). 

November 12th- I am thankful for my siblings. We are not as close as a lot of other siblings I know but we do care for each other and if one of us is in need we can be assured that one of us will be there. My older sister calls me on a daily basis (which can be annoying but hey at least I know she cares and is thinking about me). My little sister always thinks of my kids and she would help me out if I ask. My older brother helped me out with a cell phone. When we moved here we had no cell and no way to contact family back home. He put me on his cell phone plan and I am grateful. 

Homesick.

We have been here in Utah for a year now, and I have never felt so homesick as I do now.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of moving back home.

I get jealous and upset when I read about these family get-togethers that friends on Facebook are having or when I see pictures. I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. I can't help it.

It truly sucks not being near family. It sucks to talk to my mom on the phone when she's at my aunty's house with our family. Tayven tells me he wants to go back home too. My mother-in-law keeps telling us to move back.

I know we will go back eventually but the Hubby will be doing this fall semester here. He also has a lot of check ups for his eye. I guess I just have to continue "hanging in there" until this semester is over and then see what we will do from there.